Monday, June 18, 2001

Crazy world. Yesterday was Father's Day, and I did all of the requisite calling of relatives. Also my mother's birthday, so I called her.

Then I get an e-mail message today from my father. His father died today. The day after Father's Day. He'd had leukemia for a while, and I'd been getting updates. But I paid little attention to them. During the time when I was growing up, I never developed the bond with that grandfather that I had with my mother's father -- my Pappaw. He was a nice enough guy, but there just wasn't that connection. I don't have fond memories of spending time with him as a child. Maybe it's because that side of the family is so much bigger. He had a huge number of grandchildren, where I was Pappaw's only grandson, and the oldest grandchild out of the 3 on that side. I had two and a half years where I was the only grandchild of Pappaw, but I never had that with my other grandfather. Maybe that's it... or maybe it comes from the distance that was between my father and his for years after my parents got divorced. I don't know.

Regardless, he's gone now. I wish that I could say that there was some strong emotional impact, but I won't disrespect him by lying. I'm going down for the funeral, but really it's just for my father and to see my Pappaw, who isn't doing well himself. I don't need any closure from this, like I did with my grandmother -- my Mammaw. I feel kind of guilty about that... but we don't make the world the way it is, we just try to deal with it.

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